Clutter-free.

About a week ago, at this time, I did something I never thought I would've managed to do.

I cleared, cleaned up and rearranged my room.

To my family, this would've been the most impossible task for me to accomplish, but I did it. And I did it for me. I think God needed me to do so, for me, too. Cleaning that room was a part of the healing which started last September, and I felt every bit of it as I organised and packed everything back into place.

I found all the trash I'd been keeping, and couldn't find any reason to keep it in the first place. All the things I never dared to dispose of, just because I thought I would need it some day, became trash instantaneously. Truth of the matter is, I held on to more than just material things. I was holding on to.. painful things.

The core of my being was broken, and I spent years trying to fix me. What I failed to understand was that I couldn't. I couldn't do it.

It took me humility to admit that I needed help, that I was nowhere near 'okay'. But the moment I allowed myself to be vulnerable, God's grace flooded in. Even in the moment where I saw the stark contrast for myself, I knew His grace held my heart.

My office desk is clean, neat and tidy. And I sure did boast and showed off the only picture I took of it, because I could. Yet, I knew in my heart I dared not say the same for my room. My personal room, is definitely not what people would imagine to see if they first saw my office desk.

I was ashamed of the room I lived in. There, I said it.

It was my comfort zone, but more than that, it was my hiding place - The hiding ground. Everything inside the room were years of baggage. I just got comfortable in it, and gave up trying to get out of it. The clutter became comfortable. I was comfortable living in my pain and struggle.

Through the process of cleaning up my room, my Mom exclaimed, "you should've taken a before and after photo for the memory!" and I didn't bother. Why? Because I didn't want to remember all the clutter, trash and baggage I carried with me all these years. I wanted to remember what it was like to feel renewed and alive again. And that's exactly how I felt, after I settled myself into my new room. I came alive.

Who said I couldn't do it? At the end of it, I knew for a fact in my heart and mind that God never once doubted I could do it. It made a world of difference to know that God believed in me. It tenderised my heart and opened my soul to what He had in store for me, and I want more.

What shows on the outside is a reflection of what lies on the inside.

I've learned and experienced that truth for myself. I think you should too. Don't miss out on what God might possibly want to do in your life. If you're waiting for a time, the time is now.

Lord, You have been good. You've always been good, faithful and true. Always.